Slain by Elf

'Hail, travellers! What are you doing here? I thought the mayor had closed the town.'

'Oh, he has. We sneaked in.'

'Well, I hope you know what you're doing.'

'Ha ha ha, nope!'

We are trying to find food after being shipwrecked. On encountering a village by the coast, we enquire as to what they have on offer. Not much, it seems. 'Only fish? Are you getting enough vitamin C?'

'Vitamin what?'

'C.'

'Vitamin what?'

'C.'

'Vitamin what?'

'I really can't believe that you have no concept of the letter C but are okay with vitamins.'

We meet a tradesperson on the road. 'Good day, what are you selling?'

'I trade in dyes!'

'Oh, that's a coincidence, as we deal in dies too. That's a peculiar conjugation though.'

The equipment that the Nazis set up created some weird distortion effect, that we somehow decided was a good idea to walk in to. That took us, somewhat implausibly, to the Lost City of Atlantis, but probably before it got its full title and was simply known as Atlantis.

The Nazis' plan is interesting. They have, by whatever means, managed to travel back in time so that they can recover the final artefacts that they need but we have, so that they can have them and prevent us from finding them. You'd think they'd be more imaginative with portal through time and space, but here we are.

What the Nazis haven't quite worked out, or perhaps don't really care about, is that by taking Atlantis's artefacts, they are opening the city up to attack from precisely what the artefacts are there to defend. In this case, it is a Great Old One, Shudde Mell, who rises as the artefacts are being stolen and looks to be destroying the city with the kind of efficiency that surely would be admired, were other plans not afoot.

We are there too, witnessing Atlantis as a living city, and Atlantis as a city being destroyed. 'Is this how time is meant to happen originally? Or are the Nazis changing history? Are we going to return to the present and find things radically different?'

'You mean, like, we'll learn that the mythical Lost City of Atlantis no longer exists? I don't know how we'll cope.'

Having found the Nazis setting up some strange-looking equipment in the crater of a small island, and that there are several soldiers for each one of us, we come up with what may be a half-decent plan. Two of us go back to where we landed and return flying the seaplane over the island, strafing it and the Nazis with gunfire. It's the only way to be sure.

Of course, our action does not go entirely unreciprocated, and plenty of gunfire is aimed our way as we make repeated passes over the island. The toll is taken on our seaplane, and the pilot calls back that 'we may need to crash-land the plane in to the crater of the island'.

'Given that the crater is 100 m across, and that we are in a seaplane, I assume the landing part is euphemistic?'

'It may involve some personal sacrifice.' Thankfully, the reminder that we can land on the water is enough to get us down safely.

We've caught up with the Germans in Greenland, found upstream the island where they appear to have landed. Now what do we do? 'Let's get to the island, scuttle the Nazi's boats, and leave them to starve for a few days.'

'Shouldn't we capture one to interrogate, find out what they are actually doing here?'

'They don't look like the kind of boats that would give much away.'

The Nazis interested in Atlantian artefacts have been tracked heading to Greenland, and we are to follow and, hopefully, intercept them before they achieve their goals. As we prepare for our journey, the question arises as to whether we take any of our recovered artefacts with us.

It's not an obvious question. Leaving them behind is surely the safest option. But if we took them, their mystical powers could prove useful, especially if the Nazis have their own artefacts with them that they may use against us.

'Maybe we can take one or two of the three, but probably shouldn't take all the artefacts, in case of mission failure letting them fall in to enemy hands, potentially allowing the Nazis to take over the world.'

'Ah, let's just do it', says Tobias, voice of reason, 'what's the worst that can happen?'

'I... think I just said what.'

'We suspect that the Nazis are currently looking for the Bifrost, which is supposed to be able to open a portal between two points in space.'

'Is that all? I can do that. Isn't a door just a portal between two points in space? I can open them, no problem.'

Back in Blighty, we are invited to join Section M, who have been tracking the mysterious artefacts that have been cropping up. It seems they are connected to a certain lost country, one that it seems that the Nazis are keen to find. We have to catch up with their expeditionary party, find out what they know, and stop them.

'So we have to find Atlantis?', says Tobias excitedly. 'That's great! As an archaeologist, Atlantis is like the Holy Grail!'

'Isn't the Holy Grail the Holy Grail of archaeology?'

We find one of the expedition members, missing for months, and it appears he is by himself, mostly because it looks like he's slaughtered the rest of the expedition. Unsurprisingly, he wants to continue spilling blood, and brandishes a large, ceremonial dagger.

'I pull out my revolver, and aim to wound him.'

'He's lunging at you!'

'Okay, I'll shoot him in the head.'

'But, sir, you said you'd shoot to wound.'

'...it's a wound.'