Slain by Elf

The devil attacks! The imp has been disarmed of the box by Ghaz, also gaining our inquisitor the ire of the devil. Omar the fighter decides to stop pussyfooting around and tries to slay the devil with a big hit or two. 'I'm just going to swing as hard as I can at Ghaz's face', he says, with the tiny imp having to get close to his opponent to attack.

'Not to nit-pick, but the devil is attacking Ghaz's leg.'

'Yeah, I know.'

'But you can see his confusion', says Taliss, 'Ghaz does have a face like a devil's arse'.

Nibblit joins in with the attack. 'I shall cast a beam of elemental fire at the devil!'

'...at the devil?'

Ghaz isn't being attacked without fighting back either. He brings his half-orcness to bear and bites at the imp.

'Are your teeth good-aligned?'

'No, they're gold.'

'That was silly. Why didn't you make them silver?'

'One pair silver, one pair cold iron, and another pair adamantine...'

'...and some sharpened, some blunt...'

'Seriously, you need a better dentist.'

An impish imp has the box we need to recover to complete part of our mission. Fortunately, we know that the imp is currently confined to a bedroom. Unfortunately, it seems that imps can turn invisible, which extends to the objects they're carrying, so we have no idea where it is.

'Maybe there is a powder of some kind in the boudoir', I say, thinking that we could fling some of the powder around to reveal the invisible creature. Taliss, though, is using cunning to get the imp to show itself. He tempts the imp with some lock picks, that the imp could use to open the lock of the box, and as the imp attempts to violently snatch the picks from Taliss his attack makes him visible.

Taliss engages the imp directly. I manoeuvre around the pair to the dresser, where I can look for some powder so that we can, uh, so the imp will, uh... I manoeuvre around the pair so that I have room to use my glaive against the quite obviously visible imp.

We have one last task today for the Pathfinder society, which is to recover an item from a vault. As we make our way to the destination a strange hooded figure watches us from a rooftop. Only Ghaz sees this figure, who alerts us to their presence and reassures us not to worry, as he'll 'keep any eye out for him or her'.

''Him or her'? Oh sure, I feel much more comfortable knowing you are watching out for a nondescript person you can't even sex', which, incidentally, also describes most of the people our gnome meets. We're ready to shrug off Ghaz's flinching at shadows until we remember our mission and that we could be carrying a valuable item soon enough. Maybe it isn't simple paranoia.

We reach the home of a Chelish lady, who is devilish and evilly seductive, and who explains that we are welcome to recover the item, if we can recover it. When the noise from the next room is brought up, she explains that it is being caused by her devil servant, Creviss, who is at this moment trying to force open the box we are here to collect.

'Creviss has made a mess of the room, so I can't tell you where the box would be', she says, the devil having managed to trash the lady's bedroom in the process of slamming the box everywhere. We need to subdue the impish fellow if we are to succeed in our mission, and we are told that 'you may need this', as the lady hands us a silver letter opener that would serve as a dagger.

So we have to enter a lady's bedroom, and repeatedly stab her Creviss until we can claim her box. I think I'm in the wrong adventure. Taliss is up to the challenge, though, grabbing the silvered weapon and saying 'let's just go in there and bludgeon it to death!' With a dagger? You're doing it wrong.

The third task on our list for the pathfinder society is to get some kind of agreement from a toff. A toff who talks a lot. I think we need to get a map of a vault of maps from a vault. I kind of drift off, as this chap's clearly not in to the whole brevity thing.

We leave the study that took us five minutes to reach, through many an opulent corridor, where the servant greets us again. He is here to guide us to the vault. 'Will there be anything else.'

'Yeah, the old man told us to take any rug in the house.'

'...and some candlesticks.'

Our next task for the pathfinder society is to recover a box that's stored in a warehouse. It sounds suspiciously like stealing to me, but my companions have no qualms about doing this favour.

The warehouse is at the end of a pier, which isn't exactly bustling but quite exposed. Taliss volunteers to scout ahead. 'I'm a rogue, it's what we do.'

'You're not a rogue until you multi-class at 2nd level. You're a fighter, and it's not what you do.' Never the less, our elven chum swims under the pier and deftly clambers up the opposite side of the warehouse to peek inside and see if any is inside waiting. Maybe it is what he does.

The windows are too grimy for Taliss to see inside. He tries cleaning one of the panes a little but it seems the dirt is mostly on the inside. It is suggested that he breaks the window so that he can reach in to clean it, letting him see clearly in to the warehouse, but for some reason ignores this advice. He returns without much information beyond the warehouse looking abandoned and dilapidated.

Abandoned, maybe, but the door is locked firmly shut. This would be why we are needed to recover the box, I suppose. 'How are we going to open the door?'

'I have a crowbar', I say, stepping up to press it between the door and jamb, before realising that, 'crap, I'm now complicit in this breaking and entering'.

'I'll give you a hand', says Nibblit.

'Are you feeling strong?', I ask the gnome sorcerer, who looks like he's being weighed down by his own clothes.

'Um, you know what? I haven't done my stretches this morning. Why don't you take this one.'

Looking to become part of the pathfinder society, our motley new band of adventurers are taking on some tasks to prove our worth. First, we have to deliver a package of supplies to an orphanage, whilst seeing how well the place is run. Nibblit, gnome sorcerer, doesn't trust the children, apparently having read too many Dickens novels (or lived through the period). 'I want to make sure none of the rapscallions is stealing my stuff.'

He makes a sense motive check, which fails miserably. 'Great, so I don't notice anything as they nick all my gear and clothes.'

'Whereas we're noticing a gnome standing naked outside an orphanage. I don't think this is going to give the right impression.'

'Oh, don't worry about it. I'll cast prestidigitation to impress the kids. That'll win them over.'

'As long as you're not going to touch them up. We're probably close to being arrested as it is.'

'No, of course not!' he says, much to our relief. 'I have mage hand for that.' Oh dear.

M: The GM just contacted me to say he's on a training course all week so we'll need an alternative plan of action for Thursday. Any suggestions?

B: I suggest we run the normal adventure session, but using a collaborative story-telling method. Personally, I'm already seeing a large treasure vault just inside the entrance door to Delvehaven with a surprising number of artefacts suited to our classes. I'm also pretty sure the mayor wants to throw some kind of festival for us, to celebrate our awesomeness.

P: I see the elf entering Delvehaven and opening the treasure chest. It's a mimic! The chest grows teeth and bites the elf in twain, as the door to Delvehaven slams shut before the rest of the party can enter. The elf is slowly digested over a thousand years, a bit like that bit in Return of the Jedi with the Sarlacc but in a fantasy setting and an elf instead of Boba Fett. The rest of us gain XP!

W: I see the elf entering Delvehaven. It's a colossal mimic!

I have to say, I'm really enjoying this collaborative story-telling method.

Shadows attack! Their incorporeal touch drains the strength of those it passes through, and Afutavere, Skelra, and Ganelon are all affected. Thankfully, some heavy hitting from the paladin and some commanding words from the wizard help us prevail. Now we just need to get our strength back.

Liberal use of a wand of lesser restoration brings all three characters back to full strength, much to the consternation of the paladin. 'No, my poor baby! Another eight charges used!'

'Yes. That's pretty much what we bought it for. You know, restoring lost ability scores.'

But apparently not. We bought it so we could walk around with a wand of lesser restoration holding 50 charges, and we're ruining the aesthetic.

Our rowing boat is floating near a portal that is illuminated by a wayfinder. Now all we have to do is recite some oath and we can retrieve the hidden cache. Or we could, if murky shadows weren't coalescing all around us. We are asked to make perception checks, the highest of which is 26.

'You're all surprised.'

'I get +4 on the check if what we're looking for is undead', says our elf ranger.

'Okay, what do you get with that +4?'

'30.'

'What? No you don't', I tell him. 'I got the 26.'

'Oh yeah. I got 22.'

'So, 26?' says the GM.

'No, 22.'

'... so you are surprised.'

'I'm surprised that I'm surprised', I say, wondering what we needed to see whatever is coming.

'Are you surprised you got a +4 bonus?' asks Brennan.

'I'm more surprised that I gave my roll to the elf.'

Night is falling, it's time to open the inter-dimensional space to get to the pathfinder's hidden cache. We have a rowing boat that will take us from our hired fishing trawler, but Ganelon's not happy with it. 'It's a very square boat.'

The boat narrows to gain a prow. Now two of us are squeezing at the front. 'And it's very big for a rowing boat.'

The boat halves in size. Where the paladin was sitting is now deep open water.

When will he learn not to criticise a GM who's trying to help?