Slain by Elf

The second watchtower is silenced. We move up the mountain to the next bend in the path, where the second fortress stands. Rather than the lackadaisical approach to security seen at the first fortress, there are actual guards guarding this one. Two of them, standing outside the entrance. We'll just have to mount a full-out assault if we hope to prevent them raising a general alarm.

The three of us not in noisy armour creep up as close as we can, and once we think we can't get any closer we attack. Gowan the Bone Harvester and I loose arrows at the two guards, and Toogood rushes in and accidentally decapitates one of them. The first, stuck with a couple of not-very-damaging arrows, panics and rushes in to the fortress. We'd better follow.

I charge in, stabbing the guard with an arrow, and find myself in the middle of some unarmoured members of the One Hundred pushing barrels around. Whatever floats your boat, weirdoes. The slaughter starts here. Well, with Toogood charging in behind me, anyway, after Gowan rushes in to the corner and disables the alarm bell.

Some manoeuvring and plenty of stabbing and slashing cuts down the eight guards without much fuss, and we move towards the sleeping quarters. We're fairly sure where they are, assuming the layout of this fortress is similar to that of the first. Indeed, Farrel pulls open the door to see some disorganised and sleepy guards in their pyjamas. Poor them. It takes another ten seconds to cut them down too.

There's one more main room, the mess. We open the door to that to see a couple of sergeants cooking stew. That's peculiar. What was their thought process when hearing the shouts, weapon clatter, and blood-gurgling death throes? 'This stew needs more salt'? Either way, now that they see us they are reaching for their weapons.

'You notice that one of the sergeants is clean and neat, the other is scruffy and has stew stains all over him.'

'I smell a sitcom!'

But before we can get them standing back-to-back, arms crossed, saying 'this guy' to each other, they have their weapons and stride up to the door. 'Surrender, you fools!' says the first.

We glance back at the dozen corpses behind us, all twenty-second fresh, and us with barely a scratch. 'Did he just say "we surrender, you fools"?' Apparently not, as he swings his mace at Farrel. More fool them, as they'll soon just be two more corpses of the One Hundred. They'll have to think about changing their name after we're finished.

One fortress cleared, one watchtower sorted. We continue to the next corner in the path, where a second watchtower is constructed. Toogood and I sneak up, silent as you like, and get to the rope ladder underneath. Now to see if we can catch them by surprise.

'Make Move Silently checks.'

'Natural 20.'

'Natural 20.'

'Well, damn. But I hope you realise that means it will all be downhill from here.' Not true! We're going up the mountain to see the dragon.

Needless to say, we get the drop on the two guards in the tower. Toogood goes up first, climbing the rope and getting in-between the guards. 'Where do you want to position yourself?'

'I want to interpose myself in the watchtower between the guards and the warning bell.'

'So... you want to aim for the bell-end?'

Rescue mission (technically) complete, we call Brother Gadriel in the Storm Raven to come down to us.

'Make a pilot check.' It's a success. 'You come screaming in from the sky...'

'Aaaaaarrrrrrrgggggghhhhhh!'

We kinda expected Gadriel to bring the ship with him, to be honest.

The chained Dark Angel space marine is in front of us. We detected his beacon, followed it to the ork camp, and staged a daring raid through the middle of the camp to reach him.

So, naturally, I thrust my force sword through his neck.

My colleagues are somewhat perplexed at my reaction. I can't think why.

'Gowan's not the sharpest cookie in the barrel.'

We can tell.

We've cleared the first guard house along the path up the mountain to the dragon. A couple of dozen of supposed elite fighters of the One Hundred lie slaughtered on the stones, which we step over to examine a couple of rooms on the far side of the courtyard. One is padlocked.

The padlocked door shakes and rattles as whoever is inside hears us approach. 'Let me out', shouts a familiar-sounding voice. It's Gowan the Bone Harvester. No wonder we couldn't find him in town.

Naturally, Gowan wants to be let out of his cell. Also naturally, we're not too inclined to agree to this straight away, as we remember when he started pelting us with arrows for pretty much no reason. Then again, he can't exactly be friendly with the One Hundred, being locked up in one of their cells, so it's not likely he'll give us up at the next guard tower.

Gowan also wants to go up to the top of the mountain. He is a little coy as to why, but we pretty much assume everyone's inevitable betrayal these days, so his reasons aren't too important at the moment. We could probably use his help to get to the dragon, and then deal with whatever happens once we're there.

'We could even send him up first', says Duncan, 'let him draw the fire.'

'Dammit, he's not one of your pets!'

We need to get to the top of Dragon Mountain, to find the supposed dragon in order to lift the curse on both Toogood and Farrel. We can't do this at night, because of the curse that puts the pair to sleep at sundown, so it means a daytime raid. First, we need to get through the imposing stone gate.

There's no way we can get the gate open, and the only times it is open are to let guards in and out, which would mean a direct assault against the maximum number of guards. We'll just turn up shortly after the change of guards and climb the gate.

Thankfully, the embossed dragon on the front of the gate makes the 20 ft climb pretty straightforward, although perhaps not for Farrel in his heavy armour. That's fine, as Toogood and I are adept at climbing. Toogood prepares to go up first, as I stand ready with my bow in case he is spotted. It doesn't seem likely, as no one has tried to attack the mountain in over a century. No one has been quite as stupid as us.

Toogood gets a good handhold and starts to pull himself up. Unfortunately, a roll of 1 on his climb check, the only roll that would see him fail, means that 'you make no progress at first, as you get a foot or two up the gate then stumble and stub your toe. Do you want to try again?'

'Naw. This is clearly too difficult. Let's just go home.'

It seems that we need to visit The Hill, supposedly where a red dragon lives, in order to get the enchantment on Toogood and Farrel lifted. There's just the problem of gaining access, what with the path up the hill being fortified and protected by a hundred armed men.

'You learn from local enquiries that the gate is guarded by guards.'

I'm glad we asked about that.

'And that the door is rarely opened. It's only ever opened twice.'

Twice, blimey.

'A day. For changes in guards and to bring in supplies.'

That's slightly less impressive.

Toogood and Farrel don't seem to be particularly injured, but being stabbed by a dagger whose blade dissolves can't be a good sign. Thankfully, we recovered an intact dagger from one of the slain attackers, which we take back to Marva, who is definitely not a dragon.

Consulting her tomes of wisdom, Marva finds some information. 'This is Blade of the Basking Wyrm. Each blade is enchanted, with many different types of enchantment possible, none of them good for the victim.' Well, no, I don't think any of us expected unicorns and rainbows to result from a stab wound.

As Marva finishes telling us of the blades, the last sliver of sunlight disappears over the horizon. And, with that, Toogood and Farrel fall asleep right there at the table, Toogood in to his pie, Farrell his soup.

I rescue Farrel from drowning, then eat Toogood's pie, which isn't a euphemism. I suppose we're not doing anything now until morning.

We need to hit the ork camp. Turning their fuel dump in to a fireball should work as a diversion, at which point we can drive our buggies through the camp towards the arena. But how to get in to the arena, which is deep in a canyon running through the middle of the camp?

Driving the buggies over the edge of the canyon seems like the best idea, which is unfortunate, as the landing will almost certainly hurt. 'How about we hit a ramp with two wheels and jump and roll the buggies over the edge, then repeatedly fire the weapons to retard our fall enough to land safely?

'Or we could jump the buggies directly in to the arena, jumping off at the last second as they fly towards the biggest orks and decapitate them.'

We're making some good film references here! That's film references that are good, by the way, not references to good films.